Friends

I am scared shitless. I have no idea what I was thinking when I decided to go to an unconventional college. I think I have a superiority complex that sometimes takes over me and tells me, "You're too good to go to _____ University and _____ College because everyone else goes there. You have to be different, to show that you're better."
And now I've recently noticed just how much I'm leaving behind. Everything. I CHOSE to leave everything behind, because the reality of this choice just didn't hit me at the time. But here I am, four months later, getting ready to head off to a place where I have no security blanket to fall into--no familiar ground to tread upon. I'm leaving friends that have ceaselessly been there for me for the last four years and beyond. I'm leaving a boyfriend that I had only ever dreamed of being able to date 4 months ago. These are all people who apparently do not possess the voice that convinces them to always strive to be considered "superior." The vast majority of them all decided to stay at the perfectly adequate university 10 minutes away. They're all looking forward to hanging out with each other for the entirety of the next year. They don't have to dread endless awkward instances where they have no good friends to experience them with. They don't have to wear my shoes.

So much has changed about me since I made this stupid decision to go away for college. Why can't I time travel back to five months ago and make the "expected" choice for my higher education? I would be so much happier right now.

I hope I remember how to make new friends. I hope I don't loathe my roommate. I hope my boyfriend and I don't drift apart. I hope that the hate I feel for myself for making this decision doesn't strengthen each day. I hope that I find friends that I can not say anything to and still have the best time in the world.

So many hopes can only preface a major letdown.

Anyone in a similar place? I have 9 days left in the place I grew up.

I'm the desginated cupcakateer for a boy's 21st birthday party. I was thinking these awesome Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes, but wasn't sure if they were actually any good. Has anyone else tried?

Or perhaps you have another alcohol laced recipe that you enjoy? I've googled and found lots of recipes, but random recipes are so hit or miss. I want YUMMY cupcakes. This is especially important because I can't have wheat or egg, and likely won't have anyone to taste test these during the process.

I moved into my apartment a few weeks ago and am in the process of decorating. However, I have two issues. Firstly, there is a plant hook on the ceiling that was left from the last people and I'd like to use it, but don't want to put a plant there. Any suggestions or pictures would be great. Secondly, do any of you have any pictures of cheap ways to decorate HUGE walls without making them look too overdone?

why do i long to hear the voice that isn't my boyfriend's when i know that voice only wants one thing from me?
why does my stomach do flips at the mere thought of the touch that accompanies that voice?
why do i wish that i hadn't deleted this number from my phone?
why am i putting myself in a situation like this after i said to my boyfriend "i don't want to put myself in that type of situation"?

i'm glad i deleted the number.
i'm proud of myself for not franticly searching my room for any places that number might be.
i'm glad that i feel guilty for replying to his comment because it means i have a conscience. it means i love my boyfriend.
i'm elated that the comment made me want to see my boyfriend that much more.

my mama :)

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maybe a long shot. but do you guys know where i can get a journal with GLOSSY paper? like magazine style paper? do they even make journals like that? where can i buy one? [preferably in real life, but the web is cool too] thanks in advance!

I remember someone mentioning something about old books for sale, and found a few that would work really well for scrapbooking. Take a look?

But that's not the point! I've been busy and lately ripped paper mosaics have been entertaining me.

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Insanity is the quiet of the trees when I can't whisper profanities towards your father.
Infatuation is the time of day I lay on your couch and scheme ways to get closer.
Indignity is when I stumble in the street drunk with a man I have no bond.
Inappropriate is when I hiss in your ear the body parts I long.
Indifference is the sound I made when I met your mother on the tube.
Insulting is the smell I gathered when she walked in the room.

Inside my head is where you belong, sir.